I can sit here and tell you guys how my ex husband allowed his success to ruin our marriage. I was that girl who was with him when he was walking, that girl who bonded him out of jail, that girl who stayed with him when he only made 6.00 an hour and encouraged him to push forward until he was making 6 figures a year ( over 100,000). When he started making money women started running behind him like thirsty bitches do but he was not man enough to leave them hoes in the street. I was not willing to put up with a lot of bullshit so I dismissed his ass.He was making all that money but was lying about paying bills. I found myself with a 3-4 month mortgage past due in the end. It wasn’t just me and him we had 4 kids there. But in any case this was just the straw that broke the camel back… I was already debating and preparing for an escape route. I was tired of always being the one to work 2 jobs to get our bills caught up because he was never good at managing money and before he started making big money we didnt have any room for that. So there were alot of issues outside of the women. I am about my bills being paid and I was not going to allow him to neglect me & my kids while he run the streets and ball on his bill money. Fucking with my money his ass had to go!!! ( I will have to write how I prepared for my divorce for months before I asked him to leave)
So even though I sound like that ride or die bitch who did everything right…I didnt!
I had really became that model wife in the last few years of our marriage but prior to that when I was around 21-23 I got it in…I had an affair with a childhood friend. We had an off and on affair. I was Trina and he was my trick daddy. Lol… I called and he came. Being that I was a virgin when I got with my exhusband new dick was like hitting the lotto! And I kept creeping back for more every time my ex and I would fight. My lover taught me most of the tricks I know…where my hubby was busy trying to make love to me like I was fine glass that could be broken, my lover was fucking my brains out. Eventually I let that go because I didn’t want to hurt my hubby and well… I can’t share my entire life in one post but just know that… I also had became that wife who did not want to have sex all the time but that was short lived. We went through alot of ups and down…but when he started telling me he didn’t need me anymore because of the money he made I couldn’t handle it. Out of 17 years about 12 was like that perfect love story then we let others in and he could handle his success and thing went down hill from there…that’s why I always say keep folks out your relationship
Category Archives: Broken Hearts Bleed
The blame game is a lame game
Its ok to say it hurt
No this is not about when your dude is deep diving in your gushy cooch! This is about the broken hearted girl or guy. Today would have been my anniversary and I dont know why but I went down memory lane and it still hurt. No I dont want his ragedy ass back Im just saying I miss having that picture perfect family before things went wrong. My kids are still not adjusting to moving on phase and in the back of my mind I feel I failed them because my tolerance for bullshit was low. Maybe I could have took a little bit more shit. Um no! Anyway, its ok to admit that shit still hurts that is all.
Verbal Abuse is still Abuse!
It’s so many women who are in an abusive relationship and they have know idea. And believe it or not the abuser may not know that he is causing a lifetime of damage! Have you ever dated anyone or known a friend who have dated someone who constantly make negative remarks to their mate. Like this…
Man: You are not as pretty as you use to be
So many women are in abusive relationships and have no clue. Women will remain in a verbal abusive relationship a lot longer than a physically abusive relationship because some women think well he never hits me! But believe it or not verbal abuse will last a lot longer than the scars on your face. He is attacking your internal system…straight poison to your self-esteem. Here are some examples:
- You are so fat
- You are not as pretty as you use to be
- Nobody else will want your ass
- When will you get your teeth fixed
- Your friends are way hotter than you
- You are not good for anything but laying on your back
- You are worthless
- If I had known you were going to be a fucking pig, I wouldn’t have married you
- You are just not sexy
- Dumbass
The list goes on and on…but see these things are said over and over and begin to penetrate in your mind…Slowly you will begin to believe it or doubt who the hell you are. An abusive person wants to control you and your mind. They will control you with money, putting you on an allowance or telling where and when you can go somewhere. All of this crap is abuse! I’m not saying that Women doesn’t abuse Men but in most cases it’s the other way around. All I can say is find a way out it’s not worth the stay!
I am a very strong-minded person and I’ve been there before and even I have questioned myself for a split second but the key is don’t ignore this stuff get out of this relationship!!! Get help if you need to…Oh and one other thing the first thing an abusive/controlling person will do is isolate you from family and friends. Before you know it all you will have is him and then you are prime prey!
Just a thought for today!
So
The Truth Is
Let this be understood…I am a woman so therefore I can be emotional at times and even a drama queen but at the end of the day Im not stupid. You can follow your heart if you want but Im following my first mind because my heart will have my ass hungry & homeless. Women make this mistake too often.
Dont keep placing yourself in the same situation! If something dont work the first time and you cant see any changes made then what in the hell makes you think its going to work later. “Same old shit just another Day”
It Still Hurts (Broken Hearts Bleed)
Last night was my first night out in a long time. I had planned on really getting wasted and acting a fool. To my surprise my ex was at the party. It was an uncomfortable feeling. All of our close friends were there like old times and they all were riding me heavy; saying we need to get back together, but did they forget I just got engaged?! Really they didn’t give a fuck! One girl even said that ring is just a promise, shit that don’t mean anything take your husband back. They were like give it all up and go back and put your family back together…I had my game face on but honestly the words were getting to me. Even one of the dudes who normally try to flirt with me was trying to convince me to go back. Well he still flirted in a playful manner, stating him & my ex both sat on the sofa watching my ass! SMH! Needless to say I did share a few words with him (my ex) and everyone was so focused on us…I was talking about our kids and showing him pictures in my phone. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or what but on my way home I cried. I felt like I was confused and old wounds had been opened again.
Trying to think with my head I asked myself this…How can I go back to the man who tore my heart apart and laughed in my face, a man who had once turned my kids against me, a man who left me stranded to suffer with all his kids? How could I betray and break the one man heart who was there for me during this horrible time? Sure I still loved him but I am not in love with him anymore…And when my ex thought he had found his riches with this other woman he was content with his situation but now that things weren’t as good as he thought he is now playing the I messed up and want you back card. We use to be that couple that everyone adored…that true love story like the Notebook. Yes 17 years is a long time to forget but the ending pain was deep!
I’m usually much less emotional but I think the set up last night got next to me. And honestly, a part of me feel guilty for even caring…
HATEFUL BITCHES!@*!
At some point in life you just know everyone that says they are happy for you are not…so why am I blogging about this bullshit, well because I am human and actually disappointed a several people. I’m not the type of chic who run around spreading her business or go bragging about anything but close people I will tell, hey, you know I moved or I got engaged officially! LOL! Damn you hateful bitches…you can’t even say Congrats or look at my ring because you so ate up with envy. WTF? I am still your friend at least I thought.
My male friends are not like the hateful bitches…they might say damn does this mean we will never fuck or something like that but they will for sure tell me I’m happy for you. People who really know me knows I am always cheering someone on anytime they have something positive going on in their life.
Anyway enough on that…speaking of Bitches OMG you guys has got to check out my favorite new blogger ASK A BITCH If you ever want a laugh or advice email this chic. She reminds me of my girl Kaiscribe when I first started following her.
Well laters…I’m back to work now! ughhh…no time for spellcheck either so forgive me for errors.
NEW DAY NEW SHIT!
First of all I been soaking in this love shit and its making me sick. It’s not my style to sit and sob over a man even if I love his ass. As you guys know I was with my ex husband 17 years and I’m not saying when things got tough I got out but I am saying this when things got out of control I said deuces and cut my losses. I mean I am a woman of standards and morals and I believe I am made of good and deserve to be respected. I work hard in my home and outside my home. I’m no dirty freak but I am good at all I do! Wink! So why not give me what I deserve. I occasionally cook for my dude (being I am not wifey I’m not playing the role) I don’t clean at his house but clean at my own. I work hard on the job and pay my own bills rather it get tight or not I hold my own. I sex his brains out but I don’t do it on a regular. I believe everything should be done in moderation as I am just a girlfriend or whatever not wifey. When you go to placing titles on me things start to change. You add more responsibility in my book of rules. I don’t feel I should treat my boyfriend the same way I’d treat my husband. Otherwise it would defeat the purpose of saying I do, right?
So with all that being said it is time for me to start the healing process, I mean really start the healing process. I’m going to get my hair done you know appearance builds confidence. I’m going to start a little bit of socializing outside my circle. I need to open up a little for several reasons, one being closed in limits me on who I can meet, two limiting my circle means limiting my ability to network for career possibilities! Therefore, my socializing must consist of people on my level or above my level.
I’m on some new shit and if anyone wants to get my bus (in ignorant Stevie J voice) they better damn well be able to handle it! I’m promised myself I would not lose myself in another man and I would not compromise my own happiness for someone else. I am going to be true to myself because looks like no one else will. So Fuck what you heard or what you thought but Serenity is back and she aint on no love shit! #TRUSTNOONE!
BROKEN HEARTED & STUBBORN
I got a bad combination going on here. I am broken-hearted and stubborn about the situation too. I miss him all day and I am so used to sharing my laughs, cries and day talking with him but now my day is like blah! Though he still call to check on me and ask if I need anything my responses are empty on point blank…a simple I am ok or no thank you. Many of you will say well why do I do this if I miss the man. Well this is the problem with most people we are too weak to handle the tough part of moving on…if I choose to fall back into habit with him then I will begin to settle for less than I expect or want. I know I can have him in my life but at this point in my life it’s all or nothing…so my punk ass will have to suffer! Yup, tears falling every other hour, day dreaming of the good times how it could or should have been at random is what I have to deal with. This will pass me by…
And some may call this a game, oh well, it is what it is! As much as I hate that phrase it sure does fit the moment here. I had a deep conversation with him and told him what my issues were and he can easily fix it if I’m worth it to him but if not he will keep it moving, right?! Damn skippy! And at the end of the day all things will work out for the best…because if a man is not willing to go out of his comfort zone to please you but expect you too jump hurdles for him he aint worth the time any damn ways. So…let me pop my pain pill, sip my water, eat my fresh fruit and relax today…
**oh by the way**The new guy still send me messages and has made it known that if I shall become available game is on!!! Yes I know the grass is not always greener and his shit will stank too, but nothing wrong with a good laugh to get over a bad cry!
Single Syndrome or Just Spoil Bratt?
I haven’t mention much about my personal life because I don’t know what the hell is going on. Last thing I mentioned was an engagement. BOOM! And the bomb blows up in my face. Ha! I wanted the ring so bad got it and lost it all in the same week (lol) Anyway, things are so ass backwards with him. And me being the spoil bratt I am who doesn’t like to give in to my own emotions have been forced to start planning another option for me. I am now feeling like maybe I should just stay single because I am not the typical woman and I just don’t settle for any old bullshit. I don’t have much patience either…so even though we he have been buying furniture for what suppose to be our new home. I am looking at the calendar thinking shit, we have no date set, I have my own home and freedom right now and the single life is looking more enticing by the moment. Don’t get me wrong I want that marriage life again but not forced and not if it’s one-sided. A man can feed me all the sweet lines in the world but I only react off of their actions. So right now, I am not sure if I am just being impatient and spoiled or just getting cold feet. Honestly, I don’t know how Serenity will end up.
Needless to say things has been dragging out. Yet, I have remained very faithful. My work and kids keep me pretty occupied so I don’t get out often.
Life AFTER Divorce
Now if you been following me for a while you would know that I divorced about 5 years ago! I had been in a relationship over 15 years and it ended with helluva heartbreak. We were like the notebook but we didn’t die in the end just our love. Anyway…I thought I’d never love again or find someone to love me unconditionally like my Ex once did. I have to admit it takes a special kind of person to handle me because I am very picky and I rarely bend. (well outside of the bedroom)
Well I’ve found a man who simply adores me and I admire him and we are best friends. We have a huge age gap and people assume that we are together for all sorts of reasons other than love. But we are so compatible and he gets me. And like my girl KAISCRIBE said in her blog he accepts my baggage! Oh my God, I am so thankful for him. We have each other back. Wait! WAIT! stop rolling your eyes and gagging because I’m not going to paint a perfect picture here. He works my damn nerves like no other as well but he can only do that because I care…and it doesn’t last long. We fuss and then we “Compromise”! People say I got me a suga daddy and I have to agree because he is so sweet! LOL! If you have read FIFTY SHADESthen you will know what I mean when I say he’s my FIFTY SHADES!
So if you are in the mist of a failing marriage and find there is no way to savage it don’t give up on love. Don’t feel like it’s the end of the road. It hurts like a mutha fucka! Yes it does. The pain feels like death at times. I remember curling up in a knot and just crying until there were no more tears. I thought I’d never want to marry again. Now I’m living my life and loving it. Many people stay in abusive and horrible marriages because they are afraid to start over so they settle, don’t settle. There is someone who wants to love you the way you deserve but you can’t get to them carrying dead weight!
Laters baby! *wink*
